Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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