Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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