You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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