I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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