just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
