I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
