Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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