it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize