what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You're a disaster
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