The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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