Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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