so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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