you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
