just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
