where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
