she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
