I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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