I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
