my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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