Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
