I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
