Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
As shirtless as possible
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
