Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
