Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
please come you make the beer taste better
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
