so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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