my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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