do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
