The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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