She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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