last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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