I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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