i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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