i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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