I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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