I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
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