yo everyone went to the hospital last night
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
