ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
