We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
