Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
