my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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