well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
