I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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