I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
