Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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