i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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