I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
