no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
