3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
