I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
