I just pynch a tree in the face
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
