I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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