I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
