so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
