Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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