Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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