Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
