Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
