Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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