It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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