Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Randomize
