Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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