well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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