I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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