don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
