So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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