No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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