Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize