Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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