Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
