So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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