It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
