maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
