I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
