If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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