my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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