Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
