How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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