I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
