I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
