Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
