do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
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I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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