in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
