my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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