it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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