i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
