I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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