just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
